Dealing

Note: This posting is edited from a reply I made to a communication from a friend who, too recently, lost his wife to Cancer. I edited both to preserve his privacy with the general public, and to indulge myself in my vanity of liking to hear myself talk. … elrondsilvermaul


“Yesterday, Sunday, was a whirlwind of activity ā€“ exactly what I did not want to be doing at this stage of my life. I was done with that ā€“ spent years doing it before, had learned my lessons and found my Soul-mate and was content to just lead a quiet life with her throughout the remainder of my days. I did not see this coming. We did not see this coming.”

Life is merciful, like that. Sometimes, if we knew a road ended in sadness, we wouldn’t go, and though we’d avoid the sadness at the end of that particular road, we’d also miss sharing in the joys that came along with the journey.

Your vision of you and your wife sharing Sanibel island, and the realization that came with it, reminds me of my own sense of each moment of time being caught in its own moment of light and traveling on forever, always existing, never llost, always Being. Somewhere, as long as that moment of light, as long as the Universe, exists, you and she are still sharing that bliss. Less happy moments that came after may sometimes interfere with our current understanding of moments before, change our perceptions, but they do not change the reality of that moment as experienced.

What the living of my own life has tried to teach me is that when I need to, I can reach back for a happy moment experienced, by stripping myself of all peripherals and interpretations that came after, and touch that moment in all its purity and peace, renewing in myself what feels lost and thus find the stength, to paraphrase your wife, unfold into the future “with ease, grace and gentleness”. But as usual, I am speaking clumsily of more than I can convey..

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About elrondsilvermaul

I never know what to say about myself. I let what I write try to speak as to who I am. I can only add, here, that I am 72, live in a nursing home, am twenty years a cancer survivor, and identify as a gay male. I intend to use this blog as storage for poems? written over the long years (and still being written). This does not preclude other uses.
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