The Omen?

The Omen?

Follow your inner moonlight; don’t hide the madness. Allen Ginsberg.

Last year ended on a slightly disturbing note. There was a posting on Facebook that included a picture of Bill Frawley and Vivian Vance, in their roles as Fred and Ethel Mertz, that had them posing in a loving embrace. The comment attached mentioned that the two actors hated each other, despite what the picture showed. I attached a comment saying that it was called ACTING. Not too long after posting the comment, I got two comments back, from the original poster. The first said they were DEALING, not ACTING; the second asked me who [the hell, was the tone] I was, and why was I replying on his site when he didn’t know who I was.

I answered back that he was listed on my friends list as a friend, something that could not have happened without his compliance, and reminded him that on another site we both participated in, he liked almost every posting I made on that site. I guessed that it was obvious that liking was by rote and he never read anything before approving it. I apologized for any unrealized offense I’d made in my first comment on his site and ended with “I will forgive your deliberate rudeness, this time.” I deliberately checked my friends list upn waking, this morning; he was no longer there. I’m not sure if this incident was is a sign-off on the old year, or an omen for the new.

What surprised me was how attacked I felt, and how easily I was wounded. Then I remembered a Facebook test I’d recently taken: Based on the images that scared and horrified you in this quiz, you’re subconsciously terrified of rejection! You’re a warm heart-ed, sensitive and loving person that can’t imagine anything worse than being rejected! You have so much love to give and having someone just cruelly turn it down, is the scariest thing you can even imagine! Don’t fret, being rejected once or twice doesn’t mean a thing. You deserve nothing but the best, and only people who can see that are worth your time! Ninety-nine point nine of the Facebook tests are nonsense; this result hit very close to home. My life, beginning from the moment I came out of my mother’s womb, is a textbook history of fighting against rejection, actual or supposed. It will be a battle until I can battle no more. Some rounds of battle I win, some I lose, but the inner moonlight remains.